


a lightning strike will become a gentle hollow

by bioluminesce



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Hurt Liara, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bioluminesce/pseuds/bioluminesce
Summary: For Hurt/Comfort Exchange 2020. Liara is hurt on a mission and ends up re-living tragic memories with Tali and Garrus. Used to relying only on herself and struggling to believe she deserves help afterward, she finds her friends are more than willing to comfort her.
Relationships: Liara T'Soni & Garrus Vakarian, Liara T'Soni & Garrus Vakarian & Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Liara T'Soni & Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8
Collections: Hurt Comfort Exchange 2020





	a lightning strike will become a gentle hollow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Steve](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steve/gifts).



> Beta-read by Ias

The ridge could be a beautiful picnic spot or a killing field. 

Liara T’Soni, flanked by Garrus Vakarian and Tali vas Normandy, paused at the edge of the old growth forest. The sniper rifle clicked as Garrus raised it to his eye. Liara scanned the blue sky and green field with unassisted eyes. On another day, she might have enjoyed the sunny day and serene farmland of the colony. Today, it all dulled compared to the object at last in sight, sticking out from under the picturesque, lone, wide-canopied tree at the top of the hill. Jagged black rectangles jutted out of the ground at a 45 degree angle. If the locals, almost all newly-planted human colonists, knew about the Prothean obelisks at the edge of their terraformed zone none of them had spoken publicly about it. Liara had put together the exact location through a combination of archeologists’ message boards, treasure hunters on the black market, and idle chatter in the colony. 

“Almost there.” The voice of the Shadow Broker, a mixture of Liara's mother’s and Shepard’s and her own, could freeze hearts. She had changed a lot in the years since she met Shepard. Holding herself tall and severe came more naturally now, like a familiar shirt she could pull over her head. In truth, instead of heavy armor she wore her bulletproof dress plating and a pack of recording equipment on her back. 

Still, Liara put on that voice consciously, most of the time. Now, she was eager to let the team know she was relieved to be back with friends, but found herself adapting the more commanding tone against her will. To remove it would feel as vulnerable as setting down the gun in her hands. She still wasn't used to working with Shepard's crew one-on-one again. 

“All clear.” Garrus started striding up the hill. "It’s a straight shot. We’ll be back on the _Normandy_ telling this story in no time.” 

Tali mirrored Liara’s hesitation. “Wow, Garrus, you’re in a good mood. Usually we say those things _after_ the chance for everything to go horribly wrong passes.”

“Has it _ever_ passed these days?” Garrus kept up the wry banter as the three of them climbed the hill. The dark humor didn't amuse Liara, but rather made her imagine the claw-like shape of a Reaper floating down out of the blue sky. This planet was deceptively serene. The very reason they were here was because the Reapers had started a countdown the Crucible project stumbled to match. 

“Don’t touch it.” Liara waved them back as she stepped within a meter of the obsidian structure. It stood about as tall as she did, but looked shorter because it tilted to the east. She heard her teammates shuffling behind her. Shepard was away on another mission, and Liara had leveraged her authority to coordinate this one as a simultaneous job. She had worked in situations with far more moving pieces before. The drawn-out war against an enemy of unknown ability and seemingly infinite hatred had skewed her perspective, though. With so many reasons to be frightened every day, she couldn’t judge which one to prioritize first. This was supposed to be an easy retrieval mission, chosen because a Reaper had discovered or prioritized this particular artifact and then left to join the war front. The only wild card was what powers the artifact itself might possess. 

Liara pulled herself out of her thoughts, signaling again for Garrus and Tali to stand back. “We know these things hold Prothean memories, but there is no reason this one would be keyed to me. It’s effectively inert.”

She began setting up the recording equipment, staying away from the black stone. Or was it metal? Light moved on it like neon on steel, but it gave off a cold, musky smell, like the inside of a natural cave. Maybe moving one step closer would clarify why it smelled. Maybe she could follow one of the patterns of light that moved just under the surface. 

Maybe if she walked around to the shaded eastern side, she could see the reflections better. The chatter of her teammates faded into a soft buzz behind her. If she just touched the rock-or-metal, she would understand _everything._

She watched the reflection of her gloved fingertip loom larger and larger in the obsidian mirror.

She pressed against an invisible surface.

The electric shock flung her into the air.

* * *

She woke up in the dark. Liara coughed, tried to sit up, and lay back down, consumed by dizziness, before she could get any words out. “Did we get it?”

The world rumbled around her. A shuttle. She was in a shuttle, headed back into space, her head cushioned in her helmet but jostling against the vibration of the couch she lay on. Garrus and Tali, their forms wavering as if they were under water, moved on the other side of the cabin. Liara took a deep breath, trying to orient herself. The shuttle growled beneath her. They had found the Prothean artifact, but, like the one Shepard had once discovered, it had only one message to violently project into someone’s brain before its use was over. 

“Can you hear me?” That was Garrus, siting on the bench opposite her . 

“You’re on the way to medical.” Tali approached. “You’ll be okay.” As with the moment Liara had touched the artifact, the progress of Tali’s hand toward her forearm felt endlessly slow and unarguably essential. She was going to offer a soldier’s reassurance, tinged with the specifically quarian awareness of personal space. Hand to forearm, minimizing the possibility of seals broken at any joints. It made perfect sense. 

Something was terribly wrong. 

Liara tried to tell her, but time was out of joint.

Tali’s hand touched her arm.

_Narrow, ugly hallways. A stale smell Liara didn’t recognize, but which conjured up memories of tables taller than she was. Voices, some machine-modulated and unaccented, some clear in the air with an accent unfamiliar to Liara but invisible to Tali. Snapshots of emotion: comfort, alienation, distress, resolve._

_Then a clearer image: Tali and the corpse of her father, the guilt and hopelessness Tali felt. The truth: Tali’s father had brought live geth parts into the fleet, risking thousands of lives and decades of progress. The shame of the past collided with the shame of the present. Tali_ knew _Liara knew, and that she didn’t mean it but. All that shame. All those secrets, piling up and fermenting. The worst moment of a short life, ripped open like a knife to the gut._

Liara pulled away. “I’m sorry! I can’t--”

Garrus pushed between them, trying to stabilize both as they shook. But again the proximity sparked the mental connection Liara was trying not to make. As soon as Garrus touched Tali, Liara fell into his memories too. 

_Shepard is dead. A pillar has fallen. Garrus had thought his life would go so many ways, and this death takes all of the options away. He throws himself into work, and he’s good at it, but he goes home and feels numb. There’s nothing left. And he doesn’t need anyone to know, because what he’s good at is killing. For anyone to know--well. At the worst of times he wonders if it’s better for Shepard to be dead or him. Paperwork with the Alliance military would be a weak link for Archangel._

_He knows Liara knows. They’re close, but they should never have been this close, this quickly. The grief rebounds back and forth between both of them, as strong as it was the day the_ Normandy _cracked in half._

The shock wasn’t as bad for Liara this time, but it still kicked her back to unconsciousness. She never saw what happened to Tali, but she heard the thud and the clatter, and both Tali and Garrus’ screams.

* * *

Again, Liara opened her eyes and was not at first sure where she was.

The first thing she saw clearly since touching the artifact was the ceiling of med bay. Blue and white. The Normandy’s dominant colors, surely discussed over and over by the engineers who worked on the ship, could soothe or prod. Those lights kept soldiers alert and focused, or could be dimmed to the cooler side of the spectrum for the ship’s luxurious bedrooms. Liara considered their ambiguity as she stared up at a ceiling which was becoming far too familiar. 

_What have I done?_

Feverish heat still wreathed her arms, but when she experimentally raised one she saw she was dressed in a Normandy crew member’s uniform, and unharmed. Where she had expected rashes up and down her skin, she instead saw smooth-scaled blue, as pristine as it had been before the mission. But why this strange after-glow of pain? Her limbs felt heavy and fuzzy.

Doctor Chakwas, projecting her usual air of competence, turned from where she had been bending down to look at a screen. “You’re on a lot of painkillers, Doctor T’Soni. That artifact scrambled your nerves.”

Liara tentatively touched her own cheek, then felt for damage under her crest and on the top of her head. Nothing. “I appreciate you answering my questions before I ask them.”

“Somehow, I suspect you have more.” 

“The artifact. Did we recover it? If you can show me what it did to me and to … oh, no. Where’s Tali?” 

“She’ll want to speak to you as soon as you feel well enough. She’s medically fine. What the artifact did to you … might be best to speak to her about.”

 _Those memories._ “Yes. I … I think so. Did we recover it?”

“No. The team thought it best not to touch it. Garrus and Tali reports it broke open to reveal a hollow, but there was nothing inside.”

“That was smart.” Even though Liara meant it, she still felt regret as she said the words. “It was a trap. Probably one that had already been tripped and looted. I should send a drone down to scan it …” She felt dizzy and lay down again. “Oh. That’s not good.”

“You’ll just need to rest and let the painkillers work. You were basically electrocuted, but the Protheans knew how to target nerves in a different way from any of our weapons. You’ll be weak for a few days.”

“A few days!” Liara sat up again, fighting dizziness. 

On the other side of the room, the door opened to admit Tali, who was wringing her hands together in nervousness. 

“Tali,” Liara managed as the quarian drew closer. She tried to swing her feet off the bed, but the floor looked cloudy and far away. “Please tell Glyph and the commander to … ” _Oh. Probably best not to give orders to the person I electrocuted._ “Tali, I’m sorry. Are you all right?”

Tali jogged inside, stopped to survey the mostly empty room, then hurried to Liara’s beside. 

“Garrus is coming too. I … felt what happened when you shocked me.”

This time, sitting up was easier. “Yes. Tali, I’m so sorry. I chose to touch the artifact, but I didn’t know what it would do to me.”

“That was some kind of asari thing, right? A mind meld? I thought it couldn’t happen without us touching bare skin.”

“It shouldn’t. But the exact electrical makeup of that trap connected our nervous systems. With my ability to see into people’s minds and you not expecting the intrusion to happen …”

Dimly, Liara registered Chakwas leaving to give them some privacy. She focused on Tali. It was harder than she expected. One problem with putting on the Shadow Broker persona was that she tended to forget how to show and ask for affection, something her mostly solitary childhood had made difficult throughout her life. Just when she was starting to make progress, Shepard had died and she had dove into the world of semi-legal information trafficking. Chances to get close to people in that career were existent but slim. Now, she wasn't sure whether Tali would be furious at her no matter what choice she made. 

She took a deep breath. “I am truly sorry. I dug up painful memories, and should never have seen them.” 

“No, no, wait.” Tali held up her hands. "I thought I was the one trying to make you feel better!”

They looked at one another.

“Oh.” Liara ducked her head. “Oh. Were you? Of course.” 

“You know, on the battlefield it’s all ‘I’ll cover you!’ and ‘Go for the optics!’ and making sure people literally have their shields up.” She mimed holding a rifle, then dropped her hands limply to her sides. “But back on the ship it can be a little more difficult. What I meant to say was that I felt some of your emotions too. I never really understood how you had to scrape things together to get both your lives off the ground. Whatever you saw from me? That’s all open. Quarians live more communally than asari, I think, even if we are in suits. And the rest … well, you know Shepard. That means you know a lot of my life, too.” 

Someone knocked on the door. "It's probably Garrus," Tali said. She met Liara’s eyes, silently asking whether having the third person involvled would help. Liara nodded.

Tali let Garrus in. As he approached, Tali sat at the foot of the bed to give Garrus space to stand beside Liara. 

“That didn’t go the way any of us planned,” Tali continued. “But you were hit the hardest, so we wanted to be sure to check on you.” 

Garrus patted her shoulder. Liara leaned into the touch, then pulled away, surprised by her own reaction. Garrus didn’t seem to mind either way. 

“The drone is away,” Garrus said. 

“Oh, good. Did you …” Liara could think of at least ten parameters she would have manually input if she was the one programming the probe. 

“Glyph told me not to let you work too hard.” 

“You’re taking care of me, when I should be the one making sure you’re okay.”

“We all take care of each other.” Garrus spoke immediately. He didn’t follow up. The three sat there in silence. 

Finally Tali tapped Garrus’ arm with the back of her hand. “Very comforting, C-Sec. We’ll work on it.”

Liara sorted out her muddled thoughts. “I intruded on your memories. I should be apologizing to you. I should be figuring out what happened.”

“They’re old memories,” Garrus said. “I gave them time. And told them it mattered that I was going to survive them.”

“You didn’t mean it,” Tali said. “What helped me through that was having Shepard to lean on. Now … you have us.” 

They sat in comfortable silence, although Liara had an unsettled sense that she had not yet said something she wanted to, or not yet known how to ask for what she needed.

Chakwas returned and aimed a stern look that scattered the squad. “Don’t hurry her.”  
  
After they left, Liara lay back on the medical bed, feeling distinctly half-comforted. She could objectively believe Tali had forgiven her and they all needed to move on. It was harder to feel emotionally. Most missions didn’t linger with her this way, even when people she cared about deeply were in danger. Maybe the similarity to the Prothean beacon that had first brought her into Shepard’s orbit was making this injury hit harder than usual. Or perhaps half-comfort was exactly what she needed. Too much complacency and she wouldn’t finish her work.

* * *

The drone came back with top-of-the-line-definition photographs of nothing. 

The artifact, opened like a trip-wired safe, now lay scattered in pieces around the field. A rectangular place for a cache in the middle could have held something once, but the trap had been re-set and left to sit after the object had been removed. No secret machinery for the Crucible could ever be found there. Liara had hurt two members of the crew for _nothing_. Just like on Therum.

 _No_ . She sat down on her bed, free from the med bay, and smoothed the sheets, trying to control her thoughts. _You have changed since then. It was a clever trap. Anyone could have set it off, and Tali and Garrus are accomplished soldiers. They can take care of themselves._

She shouldn’t need anything from them. 

She had weathered mistakes in her past many times, in both of her careers. Weathering them alone was simply how it happened. This time would be no different. Wouldn’t _need_ to be different. She hardly even felt hurt any more. Maybe her leg stung, a little. 

_Look at me. Moping like this, the perfect picture of an asari damsel._

She had almost decided to get ready for bed, which probably would involve checking her mail and keeping up with key contacts beforehand, when Glyph perked up. 

“Yes?” Liara said.

“Visitors,” said Glyph.

Liara knew who she would see on the other side of the door. She sat down again as it opened, disinterested in showing a false face when they already knew what had happened. As Tali approached, she laced her fingers together and twirled them, still a bit childlike in her expression of nerves. Garrus, on the other hand, marched as straight as if the drill sergeant had stopped yelling at him a second ago. 

“Can I sit down?” Tali asked, hovering at the edge of the tile around Liara’s bed. 

Liara felt heat on her cheeks. “I, uh, don’t want to ask too much—”

“We’re not coming on to you.” Garrus sounded amused and accepting. Nervously but sincerely, Tali shook her head. 

Liara took a deep breath. “Two years ago I probably would have run away, but right now, I’d rather talk. I appreciate you two, and I feel rattled, and the drone just came back with pictures of nothing! It’s so frustrating when every project seems to progress so slowly, each step taking longer than I expected, and …” She sighed. “I feel like we parted on awkward terms. Can you just stay with me for a while. Maybe …” She looked down at her wringing hands. “It feels like forever since I touched someone.” 

That was true. She could hardly remember the temperature of someone else’s body. Everything had been work, and the missions, and _all life in the galaxy possibly ending.._. 

Her friends sat on either side of her. Liara ducked her head against Tali’s shoulder and breathed an immense sigh of relief when the quarian let her. 

Tentatively, Tali raised her hand toward Liara’s head. “Can I…?” 

Liara nodded, and shut her eyes. Even gloved, Tali’s long fingers felt warm against her scalp. She heard Garrus remove his heavy gloves before he took her hand. She squeezed his, feeling the dull edges of his larger, rougher scales catch and let go against hers. 

“When I was young, my mother would do this when I was sick.” Garrus touched his thumb to the middle of her palm and made small circles, lightly pressing. 

The awareness of other bodies around Liara, their weight on the bed and their skin against hers, reminded her of her own physical presence and the poise she had found so difficult to maintain over the last day. She leaned back to press more forcefully against Tali’s hand. In response Tali gently traced the tops of her crest, then lightly scratched the back of her neck. Even gloved, her hand was warm and supple. As Tali became more comfortable and curious with her touch her fingers brushed the hollow of Liara’s neck, her thumb following the ridges on the side of the asari’s jaw. 

Liara felt her eyes drifting shut and resisted the urge. “When we’re face-to-face with the Reapers I’m going to tell them to turn around so I can get back to this.” 

“No Reapers,” Tali agreed. “Just scritches.”

Garrus laughed. “Which human taught you that word?”

“Are you jealous?” Liara reached toward his scarred cheek, stopping short at touching his face without permission. 

He leaned forward. “Yes.”

She patted his cheek, hesitant at first to touch the healed scar until he leaned in. The pressure felt warm and light against her palm. His flange flicked slightly under her hand, tickling her palm. 

She sat back against the pillows at almost the same time Tali did, shifting so that Liara could rub the back of Garrus’ neck. Tali slung her arm over Liara’s shoulder, her hand brushing Garrus’ arm. They sat like that, comfortably, for a long time. The awkwardness Liara had felt since the mission began had faded, leaving behind warmth and light and the inner world she was more familiar with: cold and bright as space. 


End file.
